How often do you find yourself questioning how you are spending your time? “I should be spending more time with the kids.” “I haven’t talked with my sister in two weeks, when will I have more than a few minutes to really sit down and talk with her?” “Can I get a walk in at lunch or should I run to the store for groceries for dinner tonight?” “If only I could spend more time on such and such a project at work, I know it would be better…I’d get that promotion…I’d feel like I’m pulling my weight on the team…” You fill in the blank. Many times a day—so many times in fact it starts to feel like the soundtrack of our lives, like really annoying yet ever-present elevator music—we question why we aren’t somewhere else doing something else for someone else. Meanwhile, the message underneath it all is that you are inadequate and not doing enough. Has anyone seen your calendar lately? How could you possibly be doing any more?!
And so we pay money—big bucks—on books, tapes, seminars, the latest gadget, software, or device in the hopes that someone will reveal the secret to having balance. Balance. Who invented that concept? I promise you, it wasn’t a woman. An image of some waif-like, uber-athletic “Cirque-du-Soleil” dancer, contorted into some inhuman position with only a small toe or pinkie finger touching the ground without even breathing hard or breaking a sweat flashes in my mind. Are you kidding?! My body doesn’t do that, and frankly, I don’t think it should have to. And, well, that’s kind of my point. We women are on this perennial search for balance (the female equivalent of the Holy Grail without the Monty Python parody). Forever elusive, women dying trying to achieve, and yet, we are promised it’s out there.
I’m here to tell you the truth—it’s not out there. There is no “balance.” You can stop looking now.
The idea of “finding balance” in women’s lives is a myth, a well-funded illusion—complete with testimonials and enhanced photographs from famous and not-so-famous women—that keep us thinking there is something wrong with us. As long as we continue to make it our own personal struggle or inadequacy then nothing about the conditions about our lives as women will be questioned, challenged or changed. Someone must be benefitting by keeping us distracted, looking for something that doesn’t exist. I promise you—it’s not women.
And yet, something about being a “better” woman (and some part of us wants to not only be “better” ourselves but “better” than other women too!) keeps us distracting, spending money, searching and feeling inadequate day in and day out.
What would happen if we just stopped looking? (You know that instruction I gave you two paragraphs ago?) What would we notice about our lives and what drives us if we didn’t imagine balance was possible? Well, this article will share with you what happened to me when I stopped, what I learned about myself along the way and some ideas to help you get beyond the search for life/work balance and closer to having the life you want.
Wow!!! I can’t WAIT to experience this webinar!!!
It will pleasure to have you as a part of the group. We have 278 participants signed up as of today!
I was really looking forward to joining this webinar today. Unfortunately, I was pulled into a meeting at the last minute. Will this webinar or at least the slides of your presentation be available later?
It’s 10:40 a.m. and I’m anxiously waiting for the webinar to begin. In the meantime I’m listening to Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends & Influence People”. I Highly Recommend you listen to it also NOW!
Loved the seminar – especially the live exchanges with participants. Great job and very thought provoking. It is so great to hear others who have the same struggle as me and who can imagine and articulate a different life- a life they want. I am inspired to so the shared listening exercise on this topic (i.e, what is the life I want)with my spouse,sister and mother asap!
Thoroughly enjoyed the webinar & exercises. Great job! Will a playback or the slides be available for further sharing with others?
Yeah but if you wear your Sweats, we can still do a Headshot
LOL!!!
Iveth,
Hopefully you can join us then!
We certainly missed you! There will be an audio recording available at http://www.nhli.org to listen in. And I am planning to offer it again in 2010 as a 2 hour webinar–so much material, so little time!
Vincent,
If it was a headshot then I’d have to wash my hair. LOL!!
Barb,
I’m glad you found it useful and thought-provoking. It is ironically hopeful to know that others have similar struggles (breaks isolation) and still say what the life they want would be. It’s very hopeful–that could be me/you too!
Let me know how the sharing with spouse, mom and sis go! Remember (and I know you will!) to ask them what life they want too!
Maria,
Thanks for tuning in early! I hope the webinar met your needs and expectations!
Thank you! I can’t wait until next time. From reading the blog, I see it was a lively and worthwhile discussion!
Iveth
Iveth,
Do sign up for our newsletter so you can join us for the next offering!
Nanci
QJ: “If Pride offered me more money, I’d stay in Japan. When you really think about it….pay in Japan has no taxes”
@Jackson haha i like it! nice work it will pay off soon
Haha, your website formats wonderfully on my new iPhone, didnt look properly on my outdated peice of junk. music’s influence on fashion
The right technology can make all the difference!
I agree with everything that was posted in this blog, I am a dedicated follower so make sure you keep updating so frequently!