Luna Jimenez Seminars

Be yourself.  This is the simplest way I know to describe “authenticity”—a guiding principle when working with groups around diversity issues and a core competency for an inclusive work environment.

While the statements, “be who you are” or “stay true to yourself,” sound simple, they are surprisingly challenging to live up to. This is especially true in a society that explicitly values and rewards particular groups and ways of “being” over others.

Many of us purposely change how we present ourselves in work environments to be seen as more credible or to advance our projects in our organizations. On some level, this strategy makes sense as we need political support and buy-in to be effective in our jobs. However, some of these decisions —how we dress and talk, how much we reveal about our personal lives, core values and beliefs, and how we live—have become so familiar and reinforced by co-workers and society that the connection with our authentic selves begins to unravel. We lose sight of who we really are.

I recently led a workshop where a participant insisted I couldn’t be Latina because I was so “articulate.” I grew up in a household where my parents spoke Spanish to each other, but spoke to us children in English because they didn’t want us to speak with an accent. I watched my father and grandparents be “stigmatized” as uneducated or less intelligent because English was clearly not their native tongue.

I learned as a very young person that English was the language of power and access. I excelled at it, especially verbally. I knew that skillfully commanding English would bring recognition for being smart, because I would sound smart. Yet, I’m most “at home” in Spanglish. My tone softens, as does my heart, when those melodic syllables roll off my tongue. For the most part, I don’t reveal that part of me in work settings. I remain wary of both the stigma and its possible “exclusionary” effect on non-Spanish speakers, even when I translate what I say. I worry that I may offend someone in power and as a result lose a contract or client, or worse, my credibility.

When I hold back from speaking in my more familiar tongue, I have already lost credibility because I contradict my value of being authentic. In order to come more in alignment with my value, sometimes it’s enough for me to be open about how higher education and especially my decision to adopt “very formally educated” English impacted me. Other times, it makes sense to slip into Spanglish and share this aspect of myself. The outcome is two-fold:  I bring more of myself to whatever I am doing, and this benefits everyone around me. Another outcome is that by being more authentic I invite others to do the same.

I recently asked workshop participants to do an activity in their first language.  The resistance from a small group of immigrants was palpable. The room filled with nervous chatter, anxious clarifying questions, uncomfortable shifting in chairs, and even visible upset at me for making such a request. After the exercise, several of these participants shared with me, one-on-one, how powerful it was to be able to speak their own languages at work. They cried about how hard it was to speak only English and how doing so led them to forget certain words in their birth language. The grief was evident. As I walked through the lunch area after the session, the participants volunteered to teach me “thank you” and “good-bye” in Romanian, Tibetan, Arabic, and Eritrean, just to name a few. The participants felt safe enough to be more authentic in the workplace and the trust increased for everyone.

Being authentic means being willing to be all of who you are. The truth is, being less of who we are impacts our organizational effectiveness. It takes effort—more energy, more resources, more time—to be less of myself since my brain is preoccupied with what and how much to change or hold back. If you are part of a group that has institutional power—English dominant, male, white, Christian, heterosexual, etc.—you are especially poised to create more safety for others. You can do this by engaging your access and credibility to model authenticity and insist on a workplace that actively counteracts pressures to assimilate.

Where have you changed who you are in order to fit in or gain more acceptance?  What can you do to be more authentic in the workplace? How would this increase the trust level and allow others to be more authentic? How would this impact diversity and increase inclusion where you work? I forward to reading your thoughts and responding to your comments!

Originally published in 1995, the second edition (2002) of Paul Kivel’s Uprooting Racism: How White People Can Work for Racial Justice, continues to be an accessible, must-have book for anyone working to eradicate racial injustice. Kivel is a white man, writing to other white men and women. He mixes easy to understand explanations with practical suggestions and humor to successfully push his readers to look beyond individual acts of prejudice to the wider scope of institutional racism and the inequitable allocation of power and resources. As he writes, “White racism is the uneven and unfair distribution of power, privilege, land and material goods favoring white people…although we can and should all become more tolerant and understanding of each other, only justice can put out the fire of racism.”

With provocative chapter titles such as “I’m Not White” and “I’m Not A Racist,” Kivel engages his readers and acknowledges the social context that makes people shy away from identifying as “white.”  He validates that for many of his readers, there is a strong desire to individualize their identities and distance themselves from the associations that come with that label. He goes on to illuminate how the tendency to focus solely on personal prejudice can impede efforts to dismantle racism in the greater context: the “institutional nature of [centuries of white racism] is more entrenched than racial prejudice. In fact, it is barely touched by changes in individual white consciousness.”

While shifts in individual white consciousness are necessary for racial justice, Kivel also provides strategies and suggestions to take the next steps towards combating institutional racism. He explores initiatives such as Affirmative Action, redistribution of economic resources, investment in communities of color, and supporting democratic, anti-racist multiculturalism. The revised edition includes an updated bibliography and the more current topics of anti-Arab prejudice and how the U.S.’s health care system perpetuates racial inequalities—an especially timely issue.

This book is an engaging guide to identifying the social, political, and economic context in which institutional racism is grounded. Subscribe to the LJS blog feed to read more reflections about this book. We hope you’ll add your voice to the discussion!

Do you have your change list?  Did you manage not to sensor what you wrote?  Have you looked at it since you made it last month?  If so, when you looked at it again, did you make changes to it (or want to)?  If you haven’t had a chance to do the second step (or the first step for that matter!) in the process of having the life you want, revisit the previous blogs to get caught up to this point (starting with November 2009).

Last month I asked you to identify what would need to change to have the life you want by creating a “Changes List.”  Some of you might have things like:  “don’t take on more work projects until I cross some off my list” or “spend more time with my family.”  Some of you might have things like:  “change my job,” “have a child,” or “move from my current home or apartment.”  For some of you the changes might seem relatively small, while for others the changes could feel like they would send shockwaves throughout your life—and the lives of those closest to you.  Notice if the changes feel large or small. Of course, bigger changes will require more resource—financial, emotional, and planning, etc.  In the end though, it’s not the size of the change that matters; it’s your capacity to make the change happen. And building that capacity is what this process is about!

The second tool (which is a companion to the second step) involves categorizing your “Change List” into three “Change Arenas.”  Below I will briefly define how I use the terms “attitude,” “responsibility,” and “expectation” and give some examples of each.  As you review your list and read this article, begin to put marks by each item to indicate which category you think best describes your change.

By “attitudes” I mean beliefs that you hold about yourself that contribute to the current situation of misalignment.  These attitudes will need to change in order to create something different.  For example, an attitude on my “Change List” is to let go of the idea that if someone needs me, it’s my duty to be available to them.  This attitude—both of responding to others’ needs and this being a way to uphold my sense of “duty”—keeps me stuck.  I continue to respond to others’ needs (feeling more resentful along the way) and even as “duty” overrides my own priorities, I find myself unable to say “no.”  What attitudes are on your “Change List?” What would happen if you changed this belief? Even though we know these attitudes need to change to create change, they can be ingrained, almost inherent to us, that change feels impossible.

The second “Change Arena” is “responsibilities:” actions you take that, with diminished choice, feel more like duty and obligation.  Responsibilities are part of how we spend our lives: benign actions that enhance the functioning of our lives.  In themselves, they can be interesting and even fun!  When these responsibilities no longer align with our priorities or larger sense of purpose, they can feel like more like obligation—serving the needs of others, but not ours. Discerning the difference between a “responsibility” and an “obligation” is mostly about rigidity.  For example, I have a responsibility to pay my mortgage.  It turns into an obligation when I can only imagine doing it by staying at a job I hate or when I feel like it’s up to me, and me alone, and there isn’t any help. My responsibility can be met in any number of creative ways: I could rent out my home and move in with friends or family temporarily; I could get a roommate to help reduce the financial strain; I could sell my home; etc.  To be truly open to other creative ways to meet our responsibilities, we’ll usually bump up against preciously-defended attitudes.  For example, yours might be “I’m independent and self-sufficient and I don’t need help from anyone.”  That certainly makes imagining moving in with friends or family, even temporarily, seem undoable.  As you categorize your change list, you’ll find these three “Change Arenas” end up supporting each other to keep the status quo intact.

And the final change arena is “expectations:” what others think or believe about you.  These can be even more compelling than what we believe about ourselves—especially if these expectations are supported by society.  Of course, these expectations may or may not be true, but we have internalized them so they are now ours and feel true, regardless.  One of my priorities is to write a book.  Staying in the daily structure of my current life wouldn’t support me to carve out time to focus on that goal.  One item on my change list was to move somewhere else temporarily—which would mean not living with my partner (his job does not have that kind of flexibility).  An expectation that also showed up on my Change List is “a good partner shares the daily responsibilities of life together.” Of course, living somewhere else would prevent me from contributing to those daily responsibilities.  Making this change brought me up against the external images of how a partnership is “supposed” to be.  I didn’t have a model for partners living a part—although I know this is not uncommon.  This expectation needed to change in order to continue to see my value as a partner—even if I were to live somewhere else.  Of course, it also challenged my own attitude to respond to others’ needs.  If I weren’t physically there, I couldn’t respond to my partners’ needs.  What are some expectations you would have to question in order to have the life you want?  How much of these expectations are really yours that you project onto others?  How much of these expectations are really from others? From society?

Take out another piece of paper.  Put three columns on it.  Label the first one “Attitude,” the second one “Responsibility,” and the third one “Expectation.”   As you look at your list of changes, rewrite your change list so that each item is now in one of the three columns.  Which attitudes and responsibilities (or responsibilities and expectations or attitudes and expectations) reinforce each other, keeping the other in place and therefore more difficult to change?  What patterns or trends do you notice?  If you could distill one or two core themes of change, what would they be?  Share your insights with a friend or write them in a journal—or both.  Keep your lists handy because next month we’ll explore the third step in the process!

Recently I found myself in the waiting room of a public health clinic in San Juan, Puerto Rico.  When I called the clinic the day before, I was told patients would be seen on a first-come, first-served basis and that the doctor wouldn’t arrive until 9:30 am. I stratgically arrived at 9 am so I could be one of the first in line.  I was a busy professional, after all, and had a full day of appointments; I needed to make this doctor’s visit quick so I could get back to work.

When I arrived at 9 am the following morning the waiting room was full.  Already the board displayed numbers in the triple digits.  How did this happen?!  When I asked the receptionist, I  was informed the clinic had been open since 6:30 am.  Patients were expected to wait up to 3 hours before the doctor even arrived!  First one line to get the forms, another line to return them, then another number for waiting to see the doctor.  I had allotted an hour for this visit.  As the second hour drew to a close, my impatience had grown.  No more phone calls to make, no more text messages to return, no more emails to respond to, no more Facebook posts to read.  I could feel my USer entitlement brewing, like a pot of milk left to simmer on the stove–for a long time it can look like nothing’s happening but then all of a sudden the liquid froths over the top of the pot and burns the bottom of the pan!

Patience, Nanci, patience.  It was the voice of my papi in my head. I tried to bring him into the waiting room with me. Almost straining I sought to hear his non-judging, gentle, coaxing words about patience.  He was born on this island and, while this may not be true of all Puerto Ricans, he understands something about connection, community and waiting his turn so that everyone is treated fairly.  I was born in the US where we call this “inefficiency”–a word laced with all the embedded judgment of superiority you can imagine and my tone can muster.

In his book “Uprooting Racism” Paul Kivel writes specifically about white people’s sense of entitlement because of racism: “the feeling that one is entitled to certain goods or services more than others are, or that is [sic] one is entitled to be served by the others because of one’s class, race, and/or gender.” (p. 42)  On the US mainland I am painfully familiar with being on the receiving end of this behavior.  I have accumulated many experiences where people simply don’t see me because I am female and Latina–and when I was little: disabled, poor and young, or all of the above.

Watching people talk over me, look through me or disdain my presence fed my passion for justice–and outrage at the unjust systems that perpetuate these behaviors.  Less obvious to me in the midst of this systemic assault, was the slow and insidious entitlement training I was receiving as a USer.  I had internalized the very attitudes and learned to act out the very behaviors that I found so baffling and outrageous.

Standing in the middle of a grocery store aisle without any apparent awareness that you are blocking the flow of carts.  Walking to the front of a line, even though there are people clearly waiting their turn to be attended.  Not noticing the people who clean the office building where you work. Ignoring the bus person or wait staff at the restaurant except if they make contact, “mess up,” or you require attention.  On countless occasions I’ve witnessed these behaviors and felt condemnation toward the person acting entitled.  I have also acted out these very behaviors many times myself and also felt these same feelings of condemnation for myself.  The condemnation serves none of us–it is yet another by-product of feeling superior to another human being.  How can we break this cycle–and bring about an end to entitlement?

1) Slow down.  When we are going fast, feel stressed and trying to get a lot of things done we pay less attention to people around us and are vulnerable to acting out entitlement behaviors.  When we slow down we are better able to pay attention and be more present–and less urgency helps us be more thoughtful, considerate and patient.

2) Ask someone close to you, preferably from a targeted group, to share some of the ways you act entitled.  Because non-targets (the group with institutional power and access) are trained to be clueless, we don’t immediately recognize our own entitlement behaviors. Inviting someone else to “see” us in this way helps us grow and also can deepen our relationships as allies.

3) Question why you feel better than someone else.  (This can also take the form of feeling sorry for someone else.) When you pulled to judge or pity someone else, notice why.  Usually feeling better than someone else is a cover for where you feel bad about yourself or less than someone else.  Remember: both reactions are inaccurate. You are neither better or less than anyone else.

4) Decide to not be clueless.  Society grooms its dominant groups into cluelessness patterns.  If we were aware we would interrupt the injustice and require the system change.  In entitlement we lose connection with other people to the point of feeling superior to them.  This is the basis for class oppression and the justification for institutional oppressions overall. When we practice awareness we take important steps to interrupting our own and other’s entitlement.

5) Have compassion. Remember entitlement attitudes and behaviors are not your personal or individual fault–nor that of anyone else with entitlement patterns.  If we can seek understanding and to see the goodness in others (and ourselves)  instead, we might be closer to having true compassion for that person (or ourselves)–without feeling sorry for them (or ourselves).

Where do you act entitled?  Where did you first see this behavior on someone else?  Which group(s) of people do you feel superior to (smarter than, better looking than, happier than, more competent than, etc.)? Why? Which group(s) of people do you feel inferior to? Why? Which of the above suggestions did you use to interrupt entitlement? What else have you tried?  How did it work?  What did you learn?

On February 22nd and February 23rd, 2010 from 8am-5pm PST LJS will conduct a 2-day Transformational Communication & Transformational Women workshop for the National Hispana Leadership Institute.

The program focuses on learning about leadership strengths and areas for development, cross cultural communication, conflict resolution, team building and the development of support networks, and setting development goals.

The Transformational Women aspect of the workshop focuses on supporting participants to examine the messages that many women internalize as girls. Messages such as: “girls don’t do that,” “that’s for boys,” “don’t hurt yourself,” “don’t get dirty,” that continue to impede their lives, and ultimately affect their physical and emotional health. Participants learn to, among other things, celebrate what is wonderful about being female; understand how limiting beliefs affect their health and well-being; safely do physical activities to decisively challenge the ways in which women are limited or excluded—and have fun doing so!; advance their leadership by meeting physical challenges and setting wellness goals; uncover how their experiences as girls continue to stifle their true leadership capacity women; learn to think about injury and chronic illness as windows to access emotional healing; clarify the support needed to achieve a life without limits.

San Juan Bautista, CA

LJS continues to present monthly Transformational Communication training for VOA Oregon. The overall course objective of this engagement for LJS is to provide Volunteers of America Oregon staff with a baseline cultural competency training.