Luna Jimenez Seminars

This month, I’m delving into “self-awareness”–the second guiding principle of diversity. The basic essence of self-awareness is both understanding who you are as well as a willingness to engage in an on-going practice to examine the thoughts, behaviors, and identities that make up who you are.

Self-awareness is not a destination, it’s a process.

Not everything about who we are and how we show up in the world is obvious to us.  Without an intentional practice of self-reflection, we can be oblivious to how we impact those around us. Our best intentions don’t always create the best impacts. People in our lives give us information about how our actions affect them. Sometimes this information is delivered via thoughtful and insightful feedforward. [Author's note: I use the concept of "feedforward" to mean a practice of offering information or observations in a meaningful and compassionate way that moves a person forward on their path (rather than "feedback" which can sometimes set us back, especially if it is masked as "constructive criticism"--an oxymoron, in my opinion).] Sometimes we get this information through other people’s reactions (which we may need to interpret or seek to understand our role in co-creating) to our behaviors and attitudes. Cultural competence requires developing a practice of self-exploration. We cultivate a curiosity about who we are, what we bring to situations, and how our behaviors co-create the outcomes we experience.

Here’s a personal example from my own life: I pride myself on being highly efficient.  It’s a set of skills I learned early in life and I received a high level of external affirmation for this way of being in the world. Efficiency skills helped me in myriad ways, including being organized and “getting a lot done.” Despite being aware of how much I value and strive to be efficient, I was less aware of how this attitude and my behaviors impacted those around me. I assumed that others would find my efficiency useful and a benefit in most every situation.  Sometimes this was true, but not always.

Once I noticed that my efficiency wasn’t always needed, I started to tune into the reactions of others and my own internal clues after interactions with others. The first thing I noted was how others often felt intimidated and subsequently hesitant to sign on for a task because they feared not living up to my efficiency standards. They were concerned, rightly so, that I would become frustrated and impatient. This led to a second realization–that my drive to be efficient diminished opportunities for me to be present with myself, others, and the moment.

My self-awareness journey started with acknowledging my efficiency skills, but it didn’t stop there. Rather than remain defended and hold tight to the idea that my way was the “right” one, I chose to examine, question, and eventually shift my internal drive to be efficient. I feared that by being less “efficient,” I would lose the approval and perceived value I mistakenly thought efficiency earned me. By releasing this fear, I noticed an unexpected outcome:  by being less efficient, people began to value and include me for being me-instead of what I could do for them.

This process moved me from focusing on others and their perceived “inefficiency” to examining my behaviors, attitudes, and biases. By turning my attention towards self, my increased internal awareness moved me to a place where I could compassionately, and even dispassionately at times, think about others and where they might struggle or be limited by being less than optimally organized. This process of self investigation lays the important foundation for being an effective ally. However if we start by wanting to be an ally before we’ve really developed a practice of self-awareness we are doomed to act from wanting to “fix” or “save” others (read: make them be like us)–a perspective of paternalism, condescension and dominance.

The same trap exists on an organizational level.  When an organization focuses its effort outside of itself (for example: How can we better serve our “diverse” customers–without first seeking to care and serve co-workers better? How can we increase our recruitment of women–without first exploring the roles and attitudes men carry in the organization? What approach would appeal to low-income communities–without first exploring the embedded class assumptions in the current approach? How can we use some new tool to work with children–without first asking and understanding how we can use this tool with our peer group of teachers?) there is the danger that organizational patterns and policies will go unexamined and unchallenged.  The focus is on “them” rather than “us”–without an acknowledgement that “us” is the only part of the equation we have any real influence over.

An all-too-common example plays out in the “Diversity Flavor of the Month” scenario.  This is when a new diversity program is rolled out every few months, leading to a buildup of employee cynicism. Furthermore, the group that is supposed to benefit from the program sees the program as a “check the box”-type effort rather than one which requires organizational cultural changes.  The diversity program comes across more as an attempt to win recognition rather than a system-wide commitment to inclusion. Efforts such as these lack the organizational self-awareness and reflective practice that leads to lasting, effective change.

What are some of your personal patterns or behaviors that co-create outcomes that reinforce dominance, paternalism and condescension?  Why are these behaviors so defended within you? What would it take for you to let them go? How would your view of yourself change if you did? I remember listening to a client express genuine confusion about why they seemed unable to attract or retain a diverse range of clients and employees. I gently suggested that the barrier to inclusion wasn’t about the other group at all–but rather within them. This was a perspective they clearly had not considered before. Have you?