Luna Jimenez Seminars

Recently I found myself in the waiting room of a public health clinic in San Juan, Puerto Rico.  When I called the clinic the day before, I was told patients would be seen on a first-come, first-served basis and that the doctor wouldn’t arrive until 9:30 am. I stratgically arrived at 9 am so I could be one of the first in line.  I was a busy professional, after all, and had a full day of appointments; I needed to make this doctor’s visit quick so I could get back to work.

When I arrived at 9 am the following morning the waiting room was full.  Already the board displayed numbers in the triple digits.  How did this happen?!  When I asked the receptionist, I  was informed the clinic had been open since 6:30 am.  Patients were expected to wait up to 3 hours before the doctor even arrived!  First one line to get the forms, another line to return them, then another number for waiting to see the doctor.  I had allotted an hour for this visit.  As the second hour drew to a close, my impatience had grown.  No more phone calls to make, no more text messages to return, no more emails to respond to, no more Facebook posts to read.  I could feel my USer entitlement brewing, like a pot of milk left to simmer on the stove–for a long time it can look like nothing’s happening but then all of a sudden the liquid froths over the top of the pot and burns the bottom of the pan!

Patience, Nanci, patience.  It was the voice of my papi in my head. I tried to bring him into the waiting room with me. Almost straining I sought to hear his non-judging, gentle, coaxing words about patience.  He was born on this island and, while this may not be true of all Puerto Ricans, he understands something about connection, community and waiting his turn so that everyone is treated fairly.  I was born in the US where we call this “inefficiency”–a word laced with all the embedded judgment of superiority you can imagine and my tone can muster.

In his book “Uprooting Racism” Paul Kivel writes specifically about white people’s sense of entitlement because of racism: “the feeling that one is entitled to certain goods or services more than others are, or that is [sic] one is entitled to be served by the others because of one’s class, race, and/or gender.” (p. 42)  On the US mainland I am painfully familiar with being on the receiving end of this behavior.  I have accumulated many experiences where people simply don’t see me because I am female and Latina–and when I was little: disabled, poor and young, or all of the above.

Watching people talk over me, look through me or disdain my presence fed my passion for justice–and outrage at the unjust systems that perpetuate these behaviors.  Less obvious to me in the midst of this systemic assault, was the slow and insidious entitlement training I was receiving as a USer.  I had internalized the very attitudes and learned to act out the very behaviors that I found so baffling and outrageous.

Standing in the middle of a grocery store aisle without any apparent awareness that you are blocking the flow of carts.  Walking to the front of a line, even though there are people clearly waiting their turn to be attended.  Not noticing the people who clean the office building where you work. Ignoring the bus person or wait staff at the restaurant except if they make contact, “mess up,” or you require attention.  On countless occasions I’ve witnessed these behaviors and felt condemnation toward the person acting entitled.  I have also acted out these very behaviors many times myself and also felt these same feelings of condemnation for myself.  The condemnation serves none of us–it is yet another by-product of feeling superior to another human being.  How can we break this cycle–and bring about an end to entitlement?

1) Slow down.  When we are going fast, feel stressed and trying to get a lot of things done we pay less attention to people around us and are vulnerable to acting out entitlement behaviors.  When we slow down we are better able to pay attention and be more present–and less urgency helps us be more thoughtful, considerate and patient.

2) Ask someone close to you, preferably from a targeted group, to share some of the ways you act entitled.  Because non-targets (the group with institutional power and access) are trained to be clueless, we don’t immediately recognize our own entitlement behaviors. Inviting someone else to “see” us in this way helps us grow and also can deepen our relationships as allies.

3) Question why you feel better than someone else.  (This can also take the form of feeling sorry for someone else.) When you pulled to judge or pity someone else, notice why.  Usually feeling better than someone else is a cover for where you feel bad about yourself or less than someone else.  Remember: both reactions are inaccurate. You are neither better or less than anyone else.

4) Decide to not be clueless.  Society grooms its dominant groups into cluelessness patterns.  If we were aware we would interrupt the injustice and require the system change.  In entitlement we lose connection with other people to the point of feeling superior to them.  This is the basis for class oppression and the justification for institutional oppressions overall. When we practice awareness we take important steps to interrupting our own and other’s entitlement.

5) Have compassion. Remember entitlement attitudes and behaviors are not your personal or individual fault–nor that of anyone else with entitlement patterns.  If we can seek understanding and to see the goodness in others (and ourselves)  instead, we might be closer to having true compassion for that person (or ourselves)–without feeling sorry for them (or ourselves).

Where do you act entitled?  Where did you first see this behavior on someone else?  Which group(s) of people do you feel superior to (smarter than, better looking than, happier than, more competent than, etc.)? Why? Which group(s) of people do you feel inferior to? Why? Which of the above suggestions did you use to interrupt entitlement? What else have you tried?  How did it work?  What did you learn?

A colleague agreed to let me post this email (Subject: “What Would Nanci Do?”) anonymously.  In it, they share candidly some of the struggles as well as the successes of being a visible ally. How have you interrupted gay oppression as an ally? What did you learn?  What was the impact on you? Others, that you know? I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Email: Just want you to know how much you inspire me. At this training I participated in, these two amazing master-level trainers facilitated our group. They emphasized working from a positive, strength-based approach.  Yet at one point he used the word gay in a negative context:  “My son would say, ‘Oh that’s so gay.’” The next day a participant was sharing and then used the same phrase. My heart hurt and I thought….”What would Nanci Luna say?” So I raised my hand and commented, “I appreciate working from the positive and using the term ‘gay’ as it has been used certainly is not positive and, I would offer, offensive.” What was beautiful is the young man who said it came and first apologized and then thanked me for putting an end to this use. The beautiful outcome was the young man’s recognition of this exchange…noting he, too, has to continue to grow in respect for self and others. And as he took full ownership for his remarks, we sat together for lunch. I realized that we all learn and grow everyday…he taught me humility and ownership…Nanci taught me love.”

Allan Johnson’s Privilege, Power, and Difference is addresses the taboo topic of diversity—power. The first eight chapters are devoted to defining and identifying privilege in all its forms—including its roots in capitalism (see second book review this month for a deeper analysis). Using a mix of theory and real world examples, Johnson successfully endeavors to illustrate for his readers the effects of power and privilege on all of us—and that all of us have a role in making change happen. “The simple truth is that the trouble we’re in can’t be solved unless people who are heterosexual or male or Anglo or white or economically comfortable feel obligated to make the problem of privilege their problem and to do something about it.”

Johnson’s conversational writing style works to diffuse defensiveness while inviting readers to think critically about issues such as “white privilege,” “dominance,” “patriarchy,” “heterosexism,” and “racism.” Normally diversity conversations are more coded and less direct because simply using these words can “turn off” privileged groups from even addressing the issues. Johnson argues, “we have to reclaim some difficult …, language that has been so misused and maligned that it generates more heat than light.  We can’t just stop using words like racism, sexism and privilege, however, because these are tools that focus our awareness on the problem and all the forms it takes.  Once we can see and talk about what’s going on, we can analyze how it works as a system.  We can identify points of leverage where change can begin.”

Johnson educates his readers about the difference between individuals who may or may not “feel” privileged and how people in social categories are awarded privilege and power by the very nature of one’s participation in the system—regardless of if they can “feel” it.  He challenges us to interrupt this system of dominance by breaking our silence around privilege. He writes about our ability to choose a “path of greater resistance” that questions the assumptions that keep power and privilege in place.

For those of you working to implement organizational change, pay close attention to pages 67-70.  Johnson addresses some of the pitfalls of implementing organizational diversity initiatives built upon the “tin cup approach” and the “business case.” He writes, “Perhaps more than any other factor, this reluctance to come to terms with more serious and entrenched forms of [power and the unequal distribution of resources and rewards] is why most diversity programs produce limited and short-lived results.”

The final chapter outlines some clear actions we can take to transform our relationship to privilege. As Johnson states, “We are not prisoners to some natural order that pits us hopelessly and endlessly against one another.” This book offers us a framework for engaging in authentic and healing conversations about privilege and its contribution to systems of inequality.

Shrimp Fried Rice

My dad’s favorite meal is shrimp fried rice. I’ve always wondered why.  So one evening last week, when I took him out for Chinese food and he ordered his favorite dish, I asked him about the first time he had shrimp fried rice.  It was in Chicago in 1950.

On June 4th of that year he had traveled in a World War II bomber converted to passenger travel for Eastern Airlines’ flights from San Juan, Puerto Rico to New York. The red-eye flight took 7 hours.  My dad was strapped into the side of the plane and all he can remember is the noise of the engines.  To this day, he can’t stand that sound and he really doesn’t like to fly.

From New York, a popular final destination for Puerto Ricans at that time, my father continued onto Ypsilanti, Michigan—the closest airport at the time to Detroit, where his two older brothers, Carmelo and Abraham, were already working and living.  They rented rooms in a boarding house across from what is now Tiger Stadium but what used to be called Brigg’s Stadium.  The boarding house was run by a Maltese couple.  The husband, John Feliz, worked at the Ford plant and directed my dad there for employment.

My dad worked on the assembly line installing shiny, chrome bumpers on the 1952 Model T. The air was rank with fumes from the production and he never saw another live thing, except humans. And then there was the noise.  Kind of like a converted World War II bomber airplane.  The Ford plant was a world away from the countryside of rural Puerto Rico, abundant in lush green foliage, fruit trees that burst with the weight of their harvest, chickens eagerly feasting on scraps and bugs, and a chorus of birds and frogs provide the soundtrack. My dad didn’t last two months.

He began selling magazines door-to-door.  He didn’t speak much English. What English he knew he learned during his four years of schooling at the public (free) school in Aguada.  The magazine company decided to move my father to Chicago to sell magazines there.  A business decision that makes me seriously question the judgment of whatever person made that call.

My dad loves people and makes friends everywhere. Really, I mean that. Everywhere.  He connects with anyone, gets people to laugh, plays with people (despite themselves sometimes) and can put most anyone at ease.  Even when they don’t really want to notice or are able to reciprocate, he persists in showing them he likes them and it magically works.  But he’s really not into selling things.  He never really “got” the whole capitalism thing, if you know what I mean. When he and my mom were first married he had a job driving an ice cream truck.  My mom made him quit after more than one paycheck went directly back to the company that owned the truck—my dad owed more than he earned because he would give away the ice cream to all the children who couldn’t afford it (and maybe even to some of them who could!)

Needless to say, he found himself in Chicago, without either of his brothers and without a job in short order. He connected with some cousins who worked at the Hilton in Chicago and roomed with them for a bit. They eventually got him a job in banquets.  Apparently this was Puerto Rican turf.  Many immigrant groups carve out certain industries or areas and get other members of their group employment. It’s more important who you know than what you know.

The first winter my father ever experienced that wasn’t a tropical winter was in Chicago. He still remembers seeing his first snow.  And he still remembers the bitter cold, a chill and a dampness that entered his bones barely covered by a light jacket because, of course, this jíbaro had no winter coat to speak of.  He became ill with bronchitis.  His cousins took him in a taxi to the hospital to get him treatment but then he was pretty much on his own.  Lonely, jobless, sick and alone in this strange and cold city he called his brother, Carmelo, who everyone calls “Pito,” for help.

In the middle of that mid-west winter Pito and his new bride Sally drove from Detroit to Chicago. As my father puts it, “Pito never had a new car.” What struggling immigrant ever does?  The car had no heat but made it to Chicago.  My ill, now-18 year old father was laid in the back seat and covered with whatever extra clothing there was and the trio headed back to Detroit.  About halfway there, the car broke down.  None of them had money to fix it. And now they had no way to get home.

Pito called his Mexican father-in-law, Mr. Garza (my dad still calls him that–the respect for this elder etched in his now almost 80 year-old mind). Mr. Garza drove from Detroit to collect his daughter, new son-in-law and ill brother of his son-in-law somewhere along pre-Interstate route to Chicago.

My father had a gold watch. It was the only thing of any value (except the car that needed fixing) that any of the three of them had.  My father left it with the mechanic and asked him to fix the car with that gold watch as collateral.  He promised they would return for the repaired car with money for payment.  And eventually they did.

At some point in those few weeks of that Chicago winter when my father was looking for something warm to eat, he stumbled across a Chinese restaurant.  Immigrants find each other. It’s just one of those things.  He ordered shrimp fried rice.  And it always stayed his favorite meal after that.

Women or girls who earn income will invest 90% of that income into their family. Yet women are underemployed, paid less than men when they are employed, and receive less than 2 cents for every development dollar spent. The Girl Effect is a global movement based on research which asserts that the 600 million girls growing up in countries in the economic south hold the answers to making the world a better place for everyone.”Girls Count: A Global Investment and Action Agenda” identifies three key areas: 1) count girls—doing so will make girls more visible to policymakers and reveal where girls are excluded; 2) invest in girls—commensurate with their importance as contributors to the achievement of economic and social goals; and 3) give girls a fair share—explicit and deliberate efforts to overcome household and social barriers will be required for equity in employment, social programs, and protection of human rights. Please visit this website or become a fan on Facebook where you’ll learn more and directly support girls in this important public education campaign.

If you have ever experienced an LJS event, then you know the transformative and healing power of listening. Story Corp’s National Day of Listening is an innovative way to bring that experience into your family gathering this week.  This Friday, November 27^th, you are asked to interview and record the story of a family member, friend, or community member. The website provides a downloadable Do-it-Yourself guide that helps you generate interview questions and provides other tips to make your “day of listening” experience easy and meaningful. The site also includes toolkits for educators and those looking to use this as an opportunity for community service. We invite you to be inspired as you listen deeply to the stories of your family, friends, teachers, and other loved ones. Share your stories and insights on our blog at www.lunajimenezseminars.com/blog. We can’t wait to hear what you discover!

Over the years I have attended and spoken at countless diversity conferences and events. I’ve been gently “coached” to stress the “business case” for diversity—to highlight how it: impacts the bottom-line, affects recruitment and talent management, shapes team effectiveness, and influences decision-making at every level of the organization. Even though it is clear that the “business case” for having programs, staff, and resources to support organizational diversity and inclusion efforts can appear strong, it is also true that if the guiding principle is “improving the bottom line,” the implementation and results of these programs will fundamentally miss the intended mark.

Even though we may not always recognize them, individuals, organizations and societies have a set of guiding principles that determine appropriate actions and interactions.  These principles provide a testing ground to determine whether our actions are in alignment with our values. If your rationale for having a recruitment program is one of compliance without an internal understanding and valuing of creating a diverse workforce, you will have a meager or haphazard effort with minimal results or high turnover. If your underlying value for creating a Chief Diversity Officer (CDO) position is to increase profitability and the position does not demonstrate a clear connection to improving the bottom-line or if greater economic conditions prevent the organization from being profitable regardless of having the CDO in place, then the position will disappear, lose funding or be viewed as “nice, extra thing we do even when we can’t afford other nice, extra things.” This last attitude leads to resentment within the organization even as the CDO is ineffective in achieving success.

During this challenging economic time it is more important than ever to be clear why you as an individual, leader in your organization, or your organization as a whole is committed to diversity and inclusion. If this commitment is tied to a guiding principle of profit, it is likely your commitment will shrink along with your bottom-line. It’s easier to increase a commitment when there are more resources to spread around. It’s when we have fewer resources that our fundamental values are tested.

For example, as a parent perhaps you have a guiding principle to provide safety and security for your child. One way you choose to uphold this principle is by putting your child to bed by a certain time every night.  By providing this structure you communicate dependability, consistency, and reliability. This one action represents a variety of implicit values that also communicate unspoken volumes to your child about who you are as a parent and who your child is to you—and maybe even who your child is to the world!

What happens if your child fights going to bed at the same time every night and your guiding principle gets tested? Will you decide to coerce, bribe, or threaten the child in order to get him or her to comply with your bedtime goal? Will you invoke your power as a parent to “force” the child to follow the bedtime rule? Will other values or guiding principles, perhaps for order, obedience, or regular sleep for yourself trump the guiding principle for safety and security? It is during these tests that what’s really important to us becomes clearer and it is also when we have the biggest struggles to stay in integrity with our core values.

By developing self-awareness about your guiding principles, you can become more flexible in your actions while staying true to your core values. There are countless ways to communicate “safety and security” to your child in addition to a regular bedtime. Once you are clear about the underlying value that motivates a certain behavior, a million creative solutions can appear, and you can let go of rigidly implementing just one option.

The same holds true for organizations. If the guiding principle for your diversity and inclusion program is profitability, then compromises that negatively impact human beings, relationships, community and the environment will be made to uphold profitability.

I would ask you to look closely at not only the limits, but also the inevitable pitfalls, of the “business case” for diversity.  What other sustaining principles could underlie a diversity and inclusion effort in your organization; principles that are not vulnerable to market share and bottom-line numbers? What are your personal guiding principles when it comes to diversity?

In the next series of quarterly Nanci’s Listening columns, I’ll delve further into guiding principles that I think promote diversity and inclusion in our personal, professional, and community endeavors. I look forward to deepening this conversation with all of you via email, coaching or on this blog .  I hope you will join me on this journey!