Luna Jimenez Seminars

This is part of an on-going blog series (see November 2009 for beginning of the series) focused on going beyond the search for work/life balance and onto having the life you want—guilt-free.  In the first step I asked you to prioritize what is important to you and encouraged journaling to help clarify the values underlying your priorities.  Once you determine what is most important by clarifying your top priority (i.e. health and well-being) and understanding why this is your top priority, deepening your understanding of what values or goals are made alive through this priority (i.e.. health and well-being is important because I want to give my best to my family and community service for the long haul)—then ask yourself:  Does my life reflect what matters to me most?  In other words, are you spending your time in alignment with these priorities?  If your answer is “no” (as it is for most of us) then the next step in the process is to look at what needs to change. The second step asks you to identify what needs to change about how you spend your time to reflect your key priority.

Continuing to do the same thing will not bring about new results.  I have heard this advice again and again, usually followed by some statement like, “Just choose to spend your time differently.  It’s up to you.”  This statement is not inaccurate; it’s just not the whole story. If it were only about doing something different, then we would.  What I’m already doing is supported by both my own thoughts and attitudes (i.e. I like feeling indispensable at home, knowing that I am needed; I have a reputation for producing a high quality work product and that’s important to my sense of self-worth; etc.) as well as the structures and relationships in my life (i.e. I’m in charge of certain committees and groups in the community service work I do; my partner and I have routines around cooking, cleaning and bill paying where my role and time are defined and my responsibilities clear; my supervisor and I have deadlines and rhythms in my work life that hold me accountable, etc.).  Shifting my time to reflect shifting priorities means that what I currently chose to do (and the expectations, responsibilities and beliefs associated with them) is also now in question.

Shifting choices in how you spend your time will bring about change.  And with change comes opportunities for something different to happen—some of which we have planned for in adopting the new behavior or attitude (i.e. I chose to work out at lunch because I want a healthier lifestyle and I am becoming more fit); some of which we may not have anticipated (i.e. My work lunch-time buddies are disappointed that I’m not available to eat lunch with them and hang out the way I used to; I’m losing the friendship circle I had with them).  Change threatens the status quo.  Those in our lives who benefit most from how you currently spend your time are likely those most invested in you not making changes.  We will return this aspect of outside support for these changes in a later step; however, for now it’s enough to be aware of this aspect of the change.  And to try, as best you can, to not let it overly impact this next step for you in the process of having the life you want:   brainstorm a list of what needs to change in order to spend your time in alignment with your key priorities.

You know what needs to change.  No one else has to see this list. And you don’t have to do anything with the list. Not ever.  Just making the list and bringing it to your consciousness is a big step all by itself.  Take out some paper and a pen now.  (Or maybe that journal you’ve started for just this purpose.) You know the drill.  Begin to write.  Try not to censor or block the thoughts as they come.  You are still in charge of what you decide to take on (or not) after you do this exercise.  Nonetheless, it’s still useful to make the changes explicit—as scary as it may feel to put them onto paper.

Now put the list away, for a day or maybe even a few.  Periodically, over the next month, before we introduce the next step, spend time looking over this list.  Sit with it and try not to be too attached to what you see.  Resist any temptations to edit the list.  If you want to do the process again, feel free.  You can generate a “change list” three or four times, if you like.  Each time set it aside.  When you return to it, compare the lists and notice which changes repeatedly rise to the surface. Notice what you see without too much interpretation.  Just notice.  Think about this list as belonging to a dear friend or someone you deeply care about and whose life you want to go well. You deserve this much.